


Rubatosis

by Artria



Series: Soulmate AU [2]
Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dr. Troyard's A++ Parenting, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-24 13:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9736982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artria/pseuds/Artria
Summary: n. the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeatThere is something building up in his chest, and he whispers softly, "I'm here, I'm here, I'm here."Kaizuka Inaho and Slaine Troyard are soulmates who can hear each other's heartbeat and feel some of their emotions.





	1. Inaho

It begins when he is young. The sensation of hearing his heart beating in his chest feels strange as it thumps loudly in the dead of the night. Inaho does not cling to the unfamiliarity like most normal and curious children his age would do. He wants to turn away from the phantom that showers him with intense emotions that leave him feeling uncertain. Like the dangerous tides of water, the emotions sway unpredictably and violently, washing over him suddenly without warning.

In school, they taught him how soulmates are rare. When Yuki discovered that he had a soulmate, she cheers and throws her arms around him, spinning him around. He wants to tell her that it is uncomfortable, that it is startling to feel in tandem with a stranger. Yuki pauses, and then tries to reassure him that he’ll get used to it. She tells him that it will guide him.

“Don’t you think you could learn from them?” she asks. He told her to use _them_ because he doesn’t know if it’s a boy or girl, even though Yuki is hoping it’s a girl. He doesn’t particularly care.

“Maybe you’ll find the bond useful,” she trails off after her first question was met with silence. The last part is added for his benefit. He knows this.

“What would I learn that I can’t learn by myself?” he questions, his face creasing into a frown.

She sighs heavily and throws her hands in the air in defeat.

* * *

When the connection first appears, he has a wide range of emotions that he needs to classify and organize meticulously for his own benefit. Contrary to what people think, he does feel emotions - he’s just simply not good at expressing them in a manner that society accepted. In the passing time, he wants to learn a bit more about his soulmate’s emotional state and see what they are consistently feeling in order to anticipate and handle it with ease. The loneliness is prominent and unknown to him; he has always had Yuki (it makes him feel more thankful for her presence in his life). He dislikes the melancholy that never truly fades from his heart. Disappointment is also there, but it drifts on and off. Inaho wonders how many people have failed his soulmate. For some reason, that part bothers him the most.

He does not appreciate having to feel something so sudden when he’s moving on with his life. His soulmate is a distraction and he wonders if there is a way to stop it, but dispels the thought because it wouldn’t matter too much. People look at him strangely when they discover he has a soulmate. Inko is always upset when he brings it up, her eyes burning with jealousy at him having a soulmate. (No one tells Inaho that she is upset because she is not his soulmate.)

He lives with it though. He adapts to the situation, because he knows the connection will never go away. He tries to be the calm to their storm. It’s something he’s good at, and he feels grateful when there are moments of tranquility, almost like his soulmate is thanking him. Out of all the chaotic emotions, he appreciates this one the most.

But there are moments where he begins to understand what Yuki was trying to tell him. His chest hums at the sight of flowers. It croons a lullaby when his feet touch the ocean’s waves when he visits the beach with Yuki one day. Somehow, watching the birds fly in the sky makes his heart soar.

On some days, he wakes up with a lightness in his chest that he has never felt before. When it is cold and Inaho huddles close to his blankets, warmth creeps over his whole body, wrapping him tightly in a soft embrace. 

* * *

Inaho ponders over whether or not the connection is romantic. This type of bond is usually romantic, but Inaho is uncertain about the nature of his own. He knows it bothers him when his other half seems to thrive off the attention of someone else. He has learned with time that his soulmate tends to give their emotions wholeheartedly. His soulmate probably has someone to care about, although Inaho feels that it is uneven on his soulmate’s behalf as his soulmate overcompensates with the rhythm of their heart. He describes the symptoms he randomly feels to Yuki, who looks ecstatic for him and demands to know who it is until he reveals that it was his soulmate who was affecting him. Her smile slips away and is replaced with nervousness.

“Oh, Nao…!” Yuki cries, her head buried in her hands. She pouts. “I think your soulmate has a crush!”

He doesn’t know what to say. That makes sense. It’s the most logical conclusion as he analyzes it more closely.

It doesn’t stop the sudden feeling of dread that only belongs to him though, and he hopes it never reaches his soulmate. He can’t let his soulmate know anything that will give him away, because it’s unreasonable to ask of his soulmate to make his heart race.

His soulmate owes him nothing.

* * *

He wants to thank his soulmate, for teaching him how to feel strongly.

More emotions surface the next few years. Sadness is always there, his heartbeat becoming dull as time passes. Inaho wonders what kind of circumstances his soulmate must be living in to make his heart race with fear all the time. When the war begins, it helps and destroys Inaho. It helps by making the normal situational fear seem like nothing compared to the constant thrum of adrenaline that his body matches in tune with his soulmate’s. But it is not useful when it comes to his concentration always shattering at random times. His heart does not slow down its descent to madness after the parade, when the news of the princess’s assassination has spread to all corners of the earth. Even if he shows nothing on his face, his chest is another story.

He meets the princess and he tries to forget about his soulmate. The war demands his attention. She thanks him profusely for his help. He didn’t do it for her, he tells her. But it’s a lie; he does do it for her and the people he wants to save. This war is also unsettling for his soulmate, and he wants to help end it for his soulmate’s sake. She is useful with her royal status, even if her philosophies don’t align with his own. He recognizes that it is not her fault and he tries teaching her, just like his soulmate taught him the beauty of appreciation.

She makes him feel content, but he remembers the emotions he felt when he was a child, when his soulmate ignited his world. He remembers the birds and the flowers and nature thriving in tandem with Inaho’s heartbeat when he was younger. But his soulmate is unhappy and scared (has been for longer than what should be considered healthy), and so Inaho will do whatever it takes.

He stops Bat for that reason. He can’t be certain if he’s an enemy or not, but he won’t take that risk. He needs to act decisively. Carelessness will bring a senseless sacrifice like Okojo’s. The more the war continues, the more lives it will claim. It will not take his soulmate.

But wishful thinking is never enough. When he watches the birds with Asseylum, with her twirling and spinning in utter joy at the sight, he feels spasms of pain shoot through his chest. Everything hurts and the fear scalds his chest. He falls, and he hears shouts and screams from Asseylum and Eddelrittuo-

 

He wakes up in a daze, his heart beating fast. Yuki is next to him, her face etched with worry. Inko gazes at him and attempts to soothe him, but he shrinks away from the touch.

“Inaho?”

He stays silent and then asks for his tablet. He needs to see if anyone else in the world had ever experienced something like this before. He needs to know if it is normal, despite the soul bond itself being abnormal in its nature. He needs to know if his soulmate is alright. And as he digs through hundreds of detailed informational files on the soul bond he keeps in his tablet, he searches for clues. Is it a sign that he will meet them soon? It is unlikely, but the delusion he labels as hope claws its way through his chest.

He initially ignores his sister’s insistence to rest, only becoming convinced when she uses the argument that his soulmate needs all the help she ( _they, Yuki-nee_ ) can get.

The problem with having a soulmate bond as rare as this one is that there is hardly any information available. Most of it is repetitive and he becomes frustrated.

Dr. Yagarai keeps him in the infirmary for days. Later, Yuki demands to know what happened to his soulmate as Inaho describes in vivid detail what he felt. She wants to understand, even if Inaho already came to a conclusion.

“It’s a bond that’s difficult to analyze and not my area of expertise, but I can say a few things. One, he feels some emotions to objects because his soulmate is projecting their emotions. He doesn’t feel their pain though. He shouldn’t. However, you should be aware that their heartbeat can affect his own because it’s beating alongside his. They are fully synced, but the dominant emotions are usually felt the strongest.” Dr. Yagarai pauses, but does not hesitate to continue when he sees Inaho’s face. He figures that there is something there that forces the man to speak.

“They must have been severely injured. It might be worse than that. It’s not supposed to be life-threatening to the other half in the soul bond, but that doesn’t mean you are immune to the intensity of their heart rate.”

Yuki grips his hand tightly. She asks another question. “What happens if one of them…dies? In the bond, I mean.”

“When one soulmate dies…sources say that it feels as if you can’t hear your own heartbeat. To people like your brother, his soulmate’s heartbeat is supposed to be constant and always be audible to them. When one person from the soulmate pair dies, that’s when you stop hearing it.”

Dr. Yagarai turns to him. “Can you hear it now, without the aid of this stethoscope?”

Inaho nods. It has been drumming for awhile, slow and steady. He figures his soulmate has rested.

“Then they are still alive.” Dr. Yagarai smiles in a manner that tries to convey optimism. Yuki sighs quietly, murmuring words of comfort that are lost to him. Inaho simply leans on his sister for support when he asks to retire for the night. She guides him to his room, and Inaho forces himself to focus on tuning out the heavy footsteps they take. He wants to listen to the pulse of his (no, their) heart, just to be at ease. He shivers slightly at the sound of metal for some reason.

He sees his friends, but he doesn’t know what to say to them. Calm claps him on the back and gives him space. He makes sure to catch him up on the latest news.

He had been too disoriented to talk to visitors. Yuki still watched over him closely. Inko and Nina tried to comfort him, assuring him that his soulmate was fine. Asseylum had visited once, and the gesture eased his heart despite the fact that she wasn’t the person he wanted to see.

After what seems like a long time, Calm mumbles that Inaho shouldn’t stay up. Inaho hadn’t noticed how late it was.

The uneasiness in his chest doesn’t fade. Calm turns to him and grabs his tablet to get his attention. “You know it’s not your fault, right?” Calm tells him. “I think they’re okay now.” Inaho gives him no response, and so the other boy sighs tiredly and turns in for the night. Inaho hears voices that he recognizes outside, but he ignores them.

Inaho’s fingers tremble as he buries himself in digital files and diagrams once again. His Kataphrakt needed to be upgraded soon. He has just heard the news, filtering it from the one-sided conversation Calm had with him. The trip to the base wasn’t a victory for anyone. Just because they were going to the Russian base didn’t mean much, as they would probably still be required to fight. He assumes that Asseylum’s speech won’t work. He needs to be prepared.

This war has to end.

* * *

The fight doesn’t turn out too well. It all starts when he tells Asseylum about the flaws in her idealism, but he tries to assure her that he doesn’t dislike her just for being a Martian. Perhaps she will grow in time. When he thinks this, the Count appears, demanding death for all of his friends and her head on a platter. Inaho won’t let it happen. The sound of steel rings across the base and bullets fire with dangerous precision. Yuki and Inko leave with the princess, and he turns to the enemy Kataphrakt with determination. His soulmate’s heartbeat is determined and steady (safe and whole), and Inaho raises his head in challenge at the snarling of Count Saazbaum.

He has the upper hand later on in the fight. He feels something crash against both of them though, and his head hurts. Everything is quiet for a mere moment. The cold hisses and tears at his skin. He gets out and sees Asseylum lying on the floor. She cries out when she hears the sound of a gun firing and ducks. He hears the sound of something falling, a resounding clink that hits the floor. He sees the pendant she had shown him. It was so familiar for some reason, even more so when he held it - it was from the Terran boy who taught her wrong apparently. He crawls to where it is, only for a boot to slam on his fingers. He looks up and sees cold and empty green eyes.

His world stops and the enemy - Bat - gazes at him with contempt, only for that familiar fear and dread to race through Inaho’s chest. Likewise, Bat - no, Slaine Troyard looks at him with horror.  

When their eyes met, his heartbeat was slow and silent. Everything is sharpened with vivid clarity, over saturating his senses and igniting his chest with the drumming of his heartbeat. His heart murmurs to Inaho what he already knows.

It’s him. He’s here.

(He once read in one of his documents that when you meet your soulmate, it feels as if the world is born again. Inaho had disregarded the information, but now Inaho starts to believe it.)

“Orange? It’s _you_? Why did it have to be you?!” Slaine cries in despair. Slaine’s knees sink to the floor, and he yanks the pendant away from him. Inaho hears Asseylum from the side, struggling to get up.

“Princess Asseylum?” he whispers. Oh, that relief that time in the air…it was real. Inaho feels the pain through his head thrumming, but it’s nothing compared to the way his heart stops all over again when Slaine rushes over to her, ignoring him. He sees the Count lying dead on the floor. His head feels dizzy and he loses consciousness. Someone catches him, but he can’t focus on who it is. It’s certainly not Slaine - not after what Inaho did to him at Tanegashima.

He feels a warm hand wipe away the blood from his face. It almost feels like comfort.

But his heart feels heavy, and his eyes close once more as the world darkens.


	2. Slaine

Slaine believed he would always be alone until he is proven wrong by the thrumming and the humming of his chest. The rhythm is so soothing to his ears. He smiles in his pleasant slumber, until he fully wakes up that fateful night to remember that his heartbeat should not be beating so irregularly. It should sound as if there was another heart beating alongside his own.

To a normal child, it would be strange, but very interesting. The child would go back to sleep and pretend it was a dream. To a child with a scientist for a father (he is a scientist before he is Slaine’s father, after all), it is terrifying as Slaine tries to remember medical conditions with complicated names that his tongue can’t pronounce. He goes to the only person he has no choice but to rely on: his father, who was pouring over lab reports as usual past midnight. He had seminars and presentations and lectures. His ragged appearance shifts to worry when he sees Slaine crying.

However, this worry fades into an unimpressed stare when Slaine tells his father that he is dying through hiccups and sobs.

“You’re not dying, Slaine. You have a soulmate.”

Slaine freezes. He stops breathing altogether for a long time.

…That’s one way to find out, he thinks.

* * *

 

The discovery leads to burning curiosity and endless questions. His father explains to him that he will share his heartbeat with his soulmate, which is a bit strange, but Slaine knows he will get used to it. He absolutely has to! Those first few days, he experiences his pulse as a steady beat and finds it funny that he doesn’t need a stethoscope to hear. He can hear it directly. It’s not bothersome at all, and Slaine is very pleased. He assumes his soulmate is a calm person, although his father points out that his soulmate heartbeat didn’t really define them.

His father tells him more when Slaine asks, and every new piece of information is something he clings to and marvels at with wide eyes. If his heart races, his soulmate’s will follow apparently. When he thinks deeply on this aspect of the soul bond, Slaine realizes it’s a bit embarrassing, and he feels as though his soulmate will always think of him as strange when Slaine’s heart goes on a marathon when something scares him.

According to his father, research has also shown that emotions may also be shared within a soul bond, but that was unlikely, so there was no need to consider this aspect. This part interests Slaine the most, even if he is aware that he and his soulmate only have a similar heartbeat.

In those first few days of knowing he has a soulmate, Slaine begins to grabs books from his father’s ever changing study and stays up late at night to read to himself with a thick blanket thrown over his head. He makes himself warm so his soulmate can hopefully feel warm as well. He grabs a book with a colorful cover and a flashlight so he can see, and pours over the words with passion. Sometimes he reads out loud, but it does feel silly when he knows no one is listening. He still does it.

One of the few things his father taught Slaine was to appreciate books. Whether they were worn and leather bound or new and paperback, it did not matter - he reached out to them and held them close to his chest. He flips the pages with clumsy fingers. He avoids getting a paper cut - what if his soulmate felt the pain too? He won’t allow that. (His father’s sighs when he tells him this. For the last time, you don’t share emotions with your soulmate, Slaine, he says forcefully. Slaine mumbles that it’s important to have consideration.)

He reads these stories because he has nothing else. Even if he knows it’s not possible, he hopes his soulmate can hear him too, his voice reaching them wherever they are.

(He uses _them_ because it could be a boy or a girl, according to his father. The soulmate bond is meant to be romantic. He sighs dreamily at the thought of someone loving him wholeheartedly for who he is. His father says nothing, only sighing at his optimism. Slaine pouts at the discouraging remarks his father makes. His father was too cold and logical. Can’t Slaine dream that such a person exists? Isn’t the concept of soulmates supposed to be illogical? How can you apply reason to that kind of bond? Realists are just pessimists in disguise.)

* * *

He doesn’t have too many people to talk to, but he can murmur to his heart in the dead of the night with the crickets as his witness. He can pretend someone is there, listening to him. As time passes, he notes something about his father. His father doesn’t understand his fascination with his soulmate, but he and his father don’t understand much about each other either, so his father can stick to his lab reports and Slaine can watch the birds and pretend that his soulmate is next to him.

Like father, like son - they are both kind of pathetic.

* * *

He often wonders what his soulmate is like. Did they like to read too? Did they like to sing in the shower or watch the sunrise? Do they know what makes the sky blue? Do they love the stars as much as Slaine does, the stars that shine so brightly in the night sky? Have they seen those same stars fall, and rush to the window like he does to whisper his wish to meet his soulmate?

Slaine eventually reels from a question he thinks of.

Does his soulmate want him?

Slaine knows he may never get this answer, just like the rest of his questions. He asks his father once if it is likely that he will ever meet them and regrets it.

“There are millions of people in the world, Slaine. The chances of people having a soulmate is rare, and the possibility of even meeting them is far more unlikely.”

Slaine looks away, biting his lip. His father answered his question with restrained annoyance. Slaine thinks of his mother, and the bitterness in his chest that he can’t stop. His father continues to concentrate heavily on his work. Still, he notices his father’s distaste whenever he brings up his soulmate. Something lies deeper in his father’s chest, threatening to break from the surface, but Slaine doesn’t know why this bothers him so much.

Without much thought, Slaine says softly, “I see. The chances of that ever happening are the same as those of mother returning.”

His father drops the papers in his hand, the sheets fluttering uselessly and scattering on the floor. He walks away with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience. He hears his father shout angrily at him, but he darts outside the doors and runs into the grove behind their house. He hides among the greenery, his arms wrapped around his knees as he puts his head down. Slaine tugs at his shirt and places a hand on his heart, whispering to himself uselessly.

 _I’m here. I’m here. I’m here_.

He knows it’s unlikely and he wonders why he even bothered asking his father. His father, who stared at clipboards and fellow lab coats while Slaine simply looked to the sky. The probability of finding your soulmate is almost impossible, but there’s still a chance. If he has beaten everyone else in actually having a soulmate, then it has to mean something. Surely miracles exist, even for people like him.

It doesn’t change the reality though.

_Please find me. I want to see you.  
_

His shoulders shake.

_I’m a little lonely, you see._

* * *

~~He can’t tell his father many things about his soulmate, but he does love them, whoever they are. He hopes their sky is just as bright as his own. He hopes they can enjoy a sandwich or two, a quiet meal with someone.~~

~~He hopes his soulmate is always at peace, even if it is unrealistic.~~

* * *

As he grows older, he thinks of a darker interpretation of what it means to have a soulmate.

The world must have given him a soulmate to prove him wrong and then mock him for all it’s worth. He is still alone, with no one to turn to, and maybe it will always be that way. He will never have a home that he can call his own or people he can share laughter and memories with. There will be no one left to remember him when he dies, never even becoming a footnote in history. He’s not like his father, who can dedicate his life on a thorny path of research. He wants someone by his side.

In those rare moments where he thinks badly of his soulmate, he envies them. They probably have people at their side, while Slaine has his books and childish stars. They probably have someone to look after them, a real family compared to the walls Slaine has to climb over to even glimpse his father. Do they know love? Do they know how to smile without soul falling apart? Do they know what it feels like to have someone turn their back on you, leaving you all over again?

Later, Slaine apologizes profusely for these thoughts. He clutches his head and cries quietly at night, tears staining his pillows.

_I’m sorry._

_I didn’t mean it._

_You’re not wrong for feeling happy. You deserve to be happy._

_I never want you to be sad. Never you._

Those traitorous thoughts alone make him paint the sky in his dreams a little lighter for them, and imagine the color of their eyes a bit brighter. He wants them to be at peace. If they are happy and safe, then he will do whatever he can to live longer for them. It’s all he’s really living for anyway, and that’s fine with him.  When he finds them, all he wants to do is hold them in his arms and never let go. It’s all he wants.

It’s also all he can’t have. Miracles do not exist, and he acknowledges the impossible.

* * *

His father dies abruptly when he is fourteen, and he is trapped on Mars. He is a useless child. Princess Asseylum saves him once again, and she makes his heart sing once more when she is near. He wants her safe. He knows that she is untouchable, but she is the only who is physically there. She makes him smile, and he loses himself in her presence. She is not his soulmate, but she is a person he deeply cares for.

However, to stay by her side is to become familiar with fear. He can never be close to her, for she is the brilliant sun and he is the pitiful boy who burnt his wings by flying too close to that blazing inferno. He forces his heart to calm down whenever Count Cruhteo is near. There are the words of _Terran dog_ and _scum_ that rip apart his soul piece by piece, and he knows there is no way to return to innocence.

(His soulmate would surely be disgusted.)

When she died, a chance for peace died too. His soulmate begins to feel pain (no, no, please no, not them), and the calm becomes the storm. Determined. Cold. Alien. There are a few moments where he felt that, and Slaine associated the hollow part in his chest to his soulmate feeling threatened.

He can’t let this go on.

* * *

Things happen in a blur. Orange shoots him down. In that time with Count Cruhteo, he prays his soulmate is not hurt. For once, he hopes they do not feel the pain. He doesn’t want the anguish to touch them. _Please, not them._ Cruhteo is harsher, but he has lived with harshness all his life. For his soulmate, for the princess, for everything he stands for…he has to live.

Even if everything hurts.

Life can’t get worse than this.

* * *

_Why did it have to be you?_

He catches Orange when said boy tries to get up on his own. He falls forward and Slaine grabs him.

He doesn’t know why he bothered racing to his side. He didn’t even see if Princess Asseylum was fine; he just moved on instinct alone. He hears Asseylum fall as well, and his heart lurches painfully at the sound of another body hitting the floor. He realizes the environment - loud and chaotic - must have made her feel faint.

All this time, there is only thing Slaine should have learned - he should never trust his damn instincts, especially if it leads him to unpleasant truths like this.  

He had felt his heart stop when he had turned to Princess Asseylum. But the state of his (their?) heart confused him…because Orange had reacted terribly. He could feel the panic and the sorrow take over the drumming of his chest. That time in the Sky Carrier made Slaine quickly mull over the newfound revelation that it was Orange who was also there.

Orange used her in the end.

(She was alive, at least. A part of him acknowledges it could have been worse. He had heard Count Saazbaum’s account, even felt pity for the man and his loss, but he scoffs at the idea of working for him. How dare he pretend to be a victim, when he was the one who brought misfortune and the suffering of Princess Asseylum? How dare he pretend that he knew his father, when he was a stranger to his own son? Where was he when his father died? How dare he harm the peace that belonged to Princess Asseylum, to his soulmate? Even if his soulmate was…no, that hardly mattered. Slaine will punish the man - his hands are stained with blood anyway. He’ll deal with the nightmares and the disfiguring scars another time.)

Orange shot him down, resulting in his time with Count Cruhteo. Getting to know Count Saazbaum and being accepted by him…it felt so meaningless when all he wanted was to meet his soulmate. Except…everything was so wrong.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

He brushes the blood off his face. It’s the least he could do, Slaine thinks. Even if their meeting wasn’t the whimsical fantasy he always wanted, it’s nice to finally meet his soulmate in the flesh.

They - no, _he’s_ just not the person he expected. The conversation in the Sky Carrier was terrible, looking back at it. Slaine’s not sure what to feel anymore though.

He allows some bitterness in his voice when he speaks to his soulmate softly. “Look at you…why do you have to be so difficult? You’re my soulmate,” he murmurs. His heart threatens to break out from his chest, warm and alive because he realizes -

_You’re here._

_In my arms._

_So silly_ , he thinks. _I had to do the work, huh? I had to find you._

_Stupid Orange._

Slaine continues, sighing heavily. “You’re lucky. I think I always knew you were, between the both of us.”

He hears footsteps growing louder. He puts Orange gently back on the ground, and makes his way to the princess. She managed to wake up, wincing at the pain from her back. He assumes the debris must have hit her. Slaine’s mouth goes dry as she tries to get to Orange in worry, but he helps her get to him. She seems to realize who was helping her and she collapses in his arms in relief, crying his name. Two UFE soldiers come running, both female, and Slaine just sighs as he holds his hand up, the other supporting the princess. Princess Asseylum takes it from there, and both females nod hesitantly when she finishes. They both turn to Orange.

“Inaho!” one girl cries. Slaine slumps back as both girls check on him. The older woman gazes at him briefly in warning.

Slaine wants to snort at this.

He’d never hurt his soulmate.


	3. Ache

What Inaho first sees when he wakes up are the flowers next to him. They are bright and colorful roses that contrast with the sterile walls of his hospital room. There is no tag that indicates who it is from. A nurse comments that flowers were hard to come by right now and no one really bothered with them anyway. They were meaningless right now.

Inaho finds himself smiling at the sight.

* * *

What Inaho _learns_ upon waking up is this: the battle at the base had lower casualties due to the aid provided by the Tharsis, a Martian Kataphrakt taken by Slaine Troyard. He surrendered to Terran officials after the battle and taken into custody, spending time in a cell. After awakening, Asseylum had tried to convince the higher ups that Slaine meant no harm, but her word meant very little to the UFE officials, seeing how her speech had failed to sway the war into ending soon like she promised. Inaho had expected as much, although he learned the interference of her speech was due to Count Saazbaum and his control of the Moon Base, a detail that the UFE official had learned from Slaine after questioning him. Slaine was then quietly released after he was revealed to be a Terran taken to Mars and related to Dr. Troyard, a renowned scientist that studied Aldnoah. There was also the matter of Slaine possessing the activation factor. Considering the devastation caused by Count Saazbaum and Dioscuria, Inaho knew they were planning on using him in the war to even the odds (Inaho does not the miss the irony when he realizes he has a problem with that, no matter how efficient it would be).

Seeing that Count Saazbaum was dead with no heir - according to Asseylum and Slaine, at least - meant that there would be plans that needed to be revised in the ongoing war, especially with the assets they recently acquired (Slaine in particular, as much as Inaho doesn’t like it). Inaho considered that there were more Versian politics that needed to be analyzed. Despite what others may claim, it was important to understand the enemy’s stance on the war.

Yuki was there when he woke up, relieved by his healthy state compared to everyone else. When he had asked Yuki for further details on Slaine, she had huffed that Slaine was somewhere on the base under heavy watch. She was shocked about the revelation that Slaine was his soulmate, and Inaho didn’t hesitate to confirm it when she brought it up. She was very disappointed, but Inaho couldn’t bring himself to care. He focused on the part where she told him that Slaine had avoided her and anyone associated to Deucalion, sticking closely to himself and the people who looked after him. She had tried to make conversation with him, but he seemed shy. Inaho knew his sister was overwhelming at times, but he had a feeling there was something else she had slipped that made Slaine anxious. The past few days left him feeling restless. He wanted to see Slaine and speak with him.

(It was futile to make up for lost time. Inaho knew this, but that didn’t stop him from wanting, despite all reason saying otherwise. No one told him how ridiculous it was to share a soulmate through the most fundamental muscle. He could feel the tension in his heart.)

* * *

What Inaho first wants to do is see how Slaine is accommodating. The supervision is lacking in Inaho’s eyes, seeing how the boy was currently sitting against a wall by his lonesome in the cool outside air of Krasnoyarsk. The base they were residing in was bustling with activity. Many people were still recovering from the attack on the Earth HQ in Novostal’sk, although they were in better shape than the Martians according to official reports. There was work that needed to be done, and Inaho’s head hurt slightly at the noise.

However, the screeches of Kataphrakts being moved and the cacophony of shouting voices faded into nothing as his heart quickened its pace when he saw him.

The older boy notices him as Inaho edges closer, his expression thoughtful as his head looks towards the sky rather than Inaho. He does not resemble the grief-stricken boy Inaho had glimpsed, his face full of anguish at the revelation that they were soulmates. It was understandable, but there were far more worrisome aspects about Slaine’s circumstances. Inaho had wondered why Slaine was with the Count, and deduces that the man must have found him. Whether or not he did something to Slaine was the question Inaho wanted answered by the boy himself.

“You were released.”

If the way he started off this conversations bothered Slaine, then he hid it well. “I was,” Slaine agrees. “It’s not like I would be a prisoner for long anyway. They realized I would be of some use to them.” So he realized it too, Inaho thinks. That was good, seeing how it saved Inaho from explaining that they were planning on using him and the Tharsis.

His gaze does not leave the gray sky above. Inaho has never understood the tendency of people to gaze at nature (there was nothing people haven’t seen before), but he remembers moments of his childhood where he would find himself doing it anyway - clearly an influence by his soulmate. He found himself doing it more in recent years, probably because Slaine subconsciously missed it when he was on Mars. At least, that was what Inaho had assumed.

Slaine pauses for a moment, and then seems to get over his hesitation when he pats the space next to him, which Inaho takes as an invitation. Inaho calculates the space he needs and gives Slaine some distance between them.

“What happened to you after I shot you?” Inaho asks immediately. Slaine sighs to himself, a bitter smile creeping on his face.

“Honestly? Is that what you focus on?” he asks, and Inaho detects faint amusement. He’s not sure why the question would be amusing to him.

“It’s a valid question.”

Slaine’s reply is indifferent and frigid. “It hardly is. Nothing happened to me, so just drop the subject. Please.”

Inaho frowns at the boy avoiding the subject that clearly needs to be addressed between them. He hears his heartbeat growing louder, revealing Slaine’s unease at his own words. Inaho doesn’t need his (their?) heart to tell him that Slaine is lying though. From the few moments he has been in Slaine’s presence, there are many observations he makes about the older boy. He moves his fingers slightly, his hand reaches for his pendant (no longer in Asseylum’s possession) and clutches it tightly, he stands up slightly straighter, he averts his gaze away from Inaho in what seems to be a nervous gesture…the list goes on. Many of Slaine Troyard’s mannerisms lead Inaho to make a solid conclusion.

Slaine Troyard is a bad liar.

Inaho tells him this.

Slaine chuckles in response. It’s a strange sound to hear after the tension they had in the Sky Carrier and the chaotic encounter that was far more recent, but Inaho finds the sound pleasing to hear. “Really now,” he drawls. “We may share the same heartbeat since we were children, Orange, but that doesn’t mean you know everything about me. It could just be my heart beating faster because I’m agitated with you being here. Have you thought about that?”

Another lie, Inaho notes. “Unlikely. You have many nervous habits that betray you, and if it would have truly bothered you, then you wouldn’t have invited me. And my name is Kaizuka Inaho,” he adds. He remembers that he should formally introduce himself, even if he finds it a waste of time. He already knows Slaine’s name, and he knows Slaine already knows his.

A thought that does cross his mind is that he might have wanted to say his name to Slaine, but he chases the thought away. It benefits nothing to the conversation he is having with Slaine right now.

Slaine doesn’t seem to share his opinion about introductions. “Right. I always forget my manners with you…my name is Slaine Troyard. Even if this is redundant, I guess we should have introduced ourselves,” he says reluctantly.

Just to see his reaction, Inaho says, “You forgot to add, ‘Nice to meet you.’”

Slaine grumbles angrily, “You didn’t say it either…! Ugh…nice to meet you too. Don’t tell me you do this to everyone you meet. Your sister Yuki mentioned how insufferable you were.”

Inaho contemplates on how to reply to this. He wants to make Slaine more relaxed around him, so he says simply, “No. Just you. You’re special to me.” He’s seen this said on Yuki’s favorite dramas, and it usually puts the character at ease.

His answer makes Slaine cough violently. He feels his heart become erratic as Slaine makes eye contact with him and stutters, “Oh for the love of Earth…do you listen to yourself? Please do, because I swear…” He flushes brightly, a contrast to the gray that surrounds them. Slaine then puts his head down and Inaho hears him mumble, “Why did it have to be you…?”

“It’s just the way it is.”

Slaine looks up to glare at him. “If you could, wouldn’t you want a choice?” he asks, somewhat nervous.

“Perhaps,” Inaho says. It was a question he has thought of, but the conclusion he tried to make never went anywhere. Having a soulmate does not mean that you were obligated to love them, but it also didn’t mean that you couldn’t. Inaho has shared some emotions with the boy next to him, strong feelings that he couldn’t ignore. He would continue to do so. The least Inaho could do was get to know him.

“I hate trying to figure you out. This is why we shot each other,” Slaine says, although he stiffens slightly at the thought.

Even if he know he’s not very good at it, Inaho tries to reassure Slaine, “Those were under different circumstances.”

_I thought you were a risk. In the end, I was terribly wrong._

He does not let himself regret too much, but he remembers questioning Asseylum about the pilot and how Calm interrupted them. He had never finished that conversation, and he really should have. Ultimately, he knows it wouldn’t have mattered much to him, seeing how he had no means of knowing that same pilot he argued with was his soulmate. He finds the bond impractical if he can’t even see who he is connected to. He wished these things had been more visible, but thinking about these things right now is futile.

Inaho takes a deep breath after his previous musings on the matter. Finding the right words to say to Slaine is difficult, and he’s not used to feeling pressured. He needs to keep eye contact, but he finds himself gazing at the ground. His words are genuine though, and maybe that will be enough.

“I am sorry for the miscommunication and for what happened after.”

Slaine is not pleased with his response. “Nothing…nothing happened, okay? Forget about it,” Slaine says quickly.

“It does not sound very convincing if you refuse to tell me,” Inaho points out. “I would like to know the consequences of my actions.”

“Can’t you back off? Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I don’t want to think about it? …I always wanted to - no, forget that! It’s just that we’re strangers despite our…situation.” Slaine looks down in what Inaho judges to be embarrassment. He blames Slaine’s flustered state for the warmth in his cheeks. His soulmate gets embarrassed far too easily - the soul connection was hard to adjust to when his soulmate was near. It wasn’t a bad thing though, just different.

Inaho tilts his head to the side as he appraises Slaine’s response. “Perhaps, but that can be amended in due time-”

“I thought I was your enemy,” Slaine interrupts.

Inaho expected this sort of reaction and looks down. “I misjudged you. I am sorry for the inconvenience.” It doesn’t feel like it’s enough (it will never be) in Inaho’s eyes, but Slaine is clearly avoiding the subject and doesn’t seem to be receptive in his attempts to mend bridges.

Slaine’s eyes narrow, and they are now focused on Inaho. Inaho feels his (can it be called their?) heart go unsteady, and it’s stronger now with his soulmate so close. Even with the space between them, Inaho notes that his eyes are a vivid color. They shine brightly, and he has to repeat basic facts that he already knows in order to not get lost in them. He messes up the equation for the Standard Model and gives up.

Slaine says softly, “I’ve thought about that conversation in my cell while you and the rest of your crew were recuperating. My words were…suspicious, looking back on it. I’m sorry about the disastrous encounter.”

“I am not completely blameless either,” Inaho points out. He wouldn’t tolerate Slaine excusing his behavior, even if they were both guilty.

“You were looking out for Princess Asseylum,” Slaine murmurs. Inaho focuses on his lips for a brief second until he hears Asseylum’s name uttered.

The mention of Asseylum makes Inaho uncomfortable. Seeing that the earlier topic was going nowhere, Inaho questions, “And it does not bother you?”

He tries to think about his soulmate’s current emotional state. Slaine showed great concern for Asseylum back at Tanegashina when the battle concluded, and Inaho knew that they were most likely close. His mind traces back to their conversation. Asseylum chattered about Slaine and his pendant, how he taught her about Earth, and Inaho’s own discovery that Slaine hadn’t known Rayleigh scattering was the cause for the sky appearing blue rather than refraction…that needed to be corrected, Inaho thinks. He then stops. Focus. The matter was that Slaine cared about Asseylum, and if he went with her back to Mars…

Inaho realizes his priorities are quite skewed, and internally chides himself for the moment of irrationality. He doesn’t even know if Slaine wanted to stay on Earth, although he calculated a heavy probability that Asseylum would ask the boy to help Earth, which he would translate to mean as ‘fight for them’. He would feel obligated to… Inaho had always noticed the intensity of Slaine’s emotions directed to someone, and assumes the target was Asseylum. To know the figure who he illogically envied in his early childhood was Asseylum is a strange revelation. He was fond of Asseylum.

Her hold on Slaine was worrisome though. (He knows it’s hypocritical to speak of connections when the one they have is a bit more manipulative, but Inaho will give Slaine the choice on that matter.)

“Why would it bother me?” Slaine mutters. “I’m grateful. She has told me positive things about you. In the end, I’m glad she had someone to protect her.”

Inaho replies evenly, “I didn’t do it for her.”

Slaine snorts, and there is a teasing smile that makes Inaho stop breathing for a second.

“Really,” he says lightly, as if laughing at an inside joke Inaho wasn’t familiar with. He was used to that from his friends, but right now he really wants to know what Slaine found humorous. “I didn’t think you were the type to act for a stranger.”

His answer is immediate. “I’m not.”

Slaine looks pleased with his response. He leans back with amusement. “Good. It’s perfectly clear then. You don’t have to do anything for me.” Something crosses his face. Was it hurt? Inaho isn’t sure. “You may not be my enemy, but you’re nothing special to me.”

He gets up from where he sat without a word, and Inaho watches him walk away.

* * *

They don’t have conversations for some time. Inaho does not discuss the matter to anyone, but Yuki brings it up constantly enough that he needs to confront the issue.

“Inaho, you’re too distracted,” she complains. “I mean, he’s your soulmate, but you could spend some time with other people.”

“I do. I talk to Inko, Nina, and Calm often. Sometimes I visit Rayet. All I am doing simply trying to talk to Slaine. He isn’t any different.”

She brightens. “That’s good! It’s great. But you know, I saw how you haven’t been hanging around Asseylum…”

“She’s dealing with some issues on her own.” Such as dealing with the reality that she was unable to fully stop the war with her words alone. Although many had praised her for her aid in stopping the Aldnoah Drive of Count Saazbaum’s Landing Castle, there was also dissent. Morale had been briefly boosted when Asseylum’s announcement was made as many people believed the war would end. The base still suffered heavy losses despite the use of the Tharsis, meaning that Asseylum’s credibility had been hurt. She had no political power, and she was now facing hostility from refugees who survived populated cities that were hit by Landing Castles at the very start of the war. She made a promise she couldn’t keep and was now facing the fallout.

“Then you should support her, not stay cooped up here!” Yuki gestures to his tablet fervently.

“It’s wartime, Yuki-nee. I don’t have the luxury of not using my time wisely.”

“Leave the fighting to the adults, Inaho. Seriously, it feels like you’re trying to climb the ranks and get pulled into more danger-”

He randomly thinks of Slaine Troyard and the risks he took when he fought alongside them, only to be left behind in the end. “We are all in danger when we are at war with the enemy. It’s delusional to leave the fighting to someone else when you are more than capable of defending yourself.”

Yuki sighs. “You never give up on this, do you?”

“On what?”

“On trying to be strong for everyone,” she says. “Do you realize that not many people are able to do that? Back at the base when you were fighting that Count… I’m not sure what would have happened if you had been shot. Your luck will run out one day, you know.”

“Then it’s in your best interest that it doesn’t.”

She reaches over to grip his shoulders tightly. “Do you feel bad about your soulmate saving you and what you didn’t do on the island? I could never tell how you felt about this soul bond - I think it’s nice - but you don’t have to…you know, listen to it. You could talk to the princess or Inko or even Rayet. You have friends. Troyard doesn’t want to hang around you. He just shrugs you off.”

Inaho shakes his head. “7 out of 10 times, he does. However, I have noticed that he stays to speak with me if I-”

Yuki groans. “He tells you to go away Nao because you’re bugging him too much…! How are you soulmates again?!”

She huffs as he says nothing to this. “You know what?” she mutters angrily. “I’m going to at least make you two talk. You’re both acting like little boys!”

“He’s-”

“No!” A strange glint appears in his sister’s eyes and she rubs her hands excitedly. Inaho is immediately alert.

She ruffles his hair affectionately. “Don’t worry Nao! I’m going to fix this.”

He tries to stop her, but she scurries away before he can reach her.

* * *

Speaking with Slaine was difficult. With Yuki’s ‘help’, it quickly became impossible.

It was getting ridiculous in Inaho’s opinion. One time he had been approaching Slaine’s table (where he sat alone, picking at his food), only for the boy to see him and walk away in annoyance. Inaho had improvised the next time, sprinting to where the older boy was. His eyes widened like a startled animal and Inaho spent a half hour chasing after him.

Another time he had tried approaching was when he had seen Asseylum trying to make a conversation with him. After she had left to get something to eat, only Eddelrittuo remained with him. He was an opening; the last time he had tried talking to Slaine, Asseylum hurled questions that allowed Slaine to get away. Both were eating until they saw Inaho walking towards them. Inaho’s heart started pounding, but he knew it was Slaine’s reaction. Eddelrittuo screamed when Slaine jumped over the table with impressive speed to escape Inaho. He spent hours searching, only to realize that Slaine had hidden underneath a table where Captain Magbaredge were having lunch with Mizusaki and Dr. Yagarai. They had taken pity on him, apparently.

All of his attempts usually ended with people witnessing Inaho chase after Slaine on the deck of the Deucalion. Results were never successful. People were pushed (Slaine said sorry), Kataphrakts were hiding places (Slaine was never sorry for that), and everyone was forced to watch (Slaine still said sorry). Vice-Admiral Hakkinen lost his wig in one particular chase, but those details must stay absolutely confidential (just like the truth that the government was useless). No one had seen it, and the man had forced them to hug it out. In front of everyone. It made his heart race, although not the good kind.

He had held him stiffly in his arms as people laughed. Slaine had whispered in a menacing (Inaho’s brain interpreted it as loving) tone, “I hate you.”

“I don’t,” he replies.

Slaine’s face becomes filled with uncertainty. Inaho trusts in his (their?) heart, and gives Slaine the space he needs.

He’s rewarded later when Slaine begrudgingly apologizes for the trouble. Inaho was sitting at the pier, his feet swinging idly. When he hears Slaine’s quiet apology, Inaho offers to hug again as a solution.

“How does that fix anything?!” Slaine demands with a curious color on his face.

“I have read articles that mention how a person can be deprived of human contact and find relief in-”

Slaine pushes him in disgust.

The water is cold, but he feels warmth all the same.

* * *

Yuki tries to make Slaine jealous by telling him that Inaho liked Asseylum (which was a flat out lie - Inaho liked Asseylum as a friend, but the girl was far too busy with her duties as a Martian princess to ever be invested in romance. She most likely saw him as a dear friend). Inaho is  annoyed with the lies seeing how Slaine doesn’t feel that way at all for him (he would know) and it would never make him approach Inaho. His surprise is evident when Slaine storms up to him.

“I want to advise you to be careful regarding your feelings,” Slaine cautions as he sits next to Inaho. “Martians do not take kindly to Terrans and I wouldn’t want you to be caught in the crossfire. Even if we’re not close, you deserve the advice seeing how you don’t have much tact-”

“Bat,” Inaho cuts in briskly. Slaine growls at the use of that name, and he seems somewhat surprised at the heated emotion Inaho slips into his voice. “I don’t like her romantically.”

Slaine stops. “But your sister told me-”

“My sister wants me to marry rich. She can marry someone herself, although the likelihood of her finding a partner is slim.”

He wonders why Yuki wasn’t opposed to Slaine like she was before, but he figures she was already used to the idea. Years of thinking his soulmate was a girl probably left her expectations far too high and idealized Inaho’s future, and she was now settling for the next best thing. Part of it was probably done out of some misguided belief that it would all work out easily, and Inaho couldn’t help but resent her for this - there was no guarantee soul bonds like this could work out.

He’s not a person who would call himself a realist, but there was little chance he would ever end up with Slaine romantically. He’s fine with that.

Inaho becomes focused again when Slaine tells him, “That’s mean. Your sister is trying to look out for you.” Inaho wonders how the older boy was calm about this. He reacted erratically to everything else Inaho did, not to mention how protective he was over Asseylum.

“It’s the truth. I understand she may want me to be happy, but that doesn’t mean she can make snap judgements about my person. I like Asseylum-”

“Princess Asseylum,” Slaine says immediately, frowning at Inaho’s use of her name. “Use her title, Orange.”

“I like Princess Asseylum, but not romantically,” Inaho amends. “Pursuing a relationship is unwise with her, especially her current role in the war. I’m not interested in her in any way.”

Slaine looks at him curiously. “I didn’t ask for your dating prospects, but aren’t you interested in anyone? That girl…hm, Inko, I think her name was? She was very concerned for you.”

“What about her?”

Slaine sighs in defeat. “Oh, poor girl…no, poor me. I don’t want to deal with your heart when you’re actually in love.” He looks to the sky, as if asking for guidance. Inaho has seen that same face from his friends when the conversation revolved around him.

“Look…don’t try to, you know…”

“Try to what?” Inaho prompts, hoping the conversation does not turn back to Asseylum.

Slaine bites his lip, but his eyes are determined as he states, “Don’t treat this soulmate bond as a means to, you know…”

“I don’t know,” Inaho admits. He is lost on what Slaine is trying to tell him.

Slaine traces patterns on the ground. “Don’t get involved with me just because I’m your soulmate. Don’t feel…don’t feel obligated to. You can chase after anyone you like.”

He’s bothered by the fact that Slaine thinks that he would do such a thing…but he understands.

_I’m not heartless. Isn’t the bond we share proof of that?_

“I’m not that kind of person.”

Slaine smiles, although it’s not in relief, the emotion Inaho was hoping to see. “I assumed you weren’t, but it needed to be said.”

His eyes were empty, and something resembling pain sinks into Inaho’s chest as he registers the melancholy that surrounds Slaine. Without thinking, Inaho blurts out, “I’m the kind of person that won’t leave you alone.”

(He doesn’t realize the implications behind this until he hears Yuki’s voice ring in his ears. He analyzes his statement. As the manifestation of a desperate soul - his sister - explains, it sounds shady.)

There is a loud silence that follows. A Kataphrakt falls with a loud thud. In the distance, Inaho can hear Calm swearing. Slaine stares at him, unimpressed.

“That’s really something…you said.”

Inaho corrects, “I meant that I wanted to be your friend, at the very least. That’s why I wouldn’t leave you alone.”

Inaho begins tracing patterns on the ground too, even though he is not the type to fidget.

Slaine breathes heavily. “I can’t tell if you’re doing this on purpose or not. Your lack of understanding in this area of human socialization is astounding.”

“I’m aware.”

Slaine stays silent for a moment. “I don’t know what to say,” he admits. “Becoming friends isn’t what I had in mind.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you know what ‘involve’ means? Don’t feel obligated to befriend me,” Slaine pleads. “I have had enough people disappointing me. This is too much of a commitment.”

Inaho knows this already. Slaine’s hesitation is most likely a result of his upbringing. He spent years worried for his soulmate, wondering what became of him.

It’s selfish of him to want his soulmate’s company. He is not entitled to him just because their hearts are one. It doesn’t change how Inaho wants the boy to be happy, even if he is probably the one who hurt him the most recently.

How can he accomplish this?

“I know it’s strained between us, Slaine. I want to make amends for that.”

“So you can feel better about yourself,” Slaine says flatly.

“That’s not what I am saying,” Inaho says. “I would like to be your friend.”

Inaho begins to wonder why Slaine would react strongly to the word friend, as if he were unfamiliar with it. Slaine flinches at that the most. “But why…? What do you get out of this?”

Inaho doesn’t know why he has to state the obvious, but he’ll do it for Slaine’s sake. “A friend.”

“It can’t be that simple. Y-you’re very analytical, Orange. Surely you must have some reasons.”

He does, but he can’t say them. Not when Slaine is like this.

“I just want to make sure you are safe,” he says instead. “You need to make sure you take care of yourself. Sometimes it takes multiple people, but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone.”

_I want to be there for you, for all the times I wasn’t…_

Slaine controls the volume of his voice as he hisses, “It’s not like I am really a part of you! How I live my life won’t affect you!”

“No, you are not. You’re another human being, and should be treated as such.”

“Are you trying to say something?” Slaine demands. His eyes are cautious and wary, but there is something there that makes Inaho try one last time. Slaine reminds him of a scared animal, careful of everything around him.

(But Inaho is patient, and even if it takes a whole lifetime, he will make sure Slaine is at peace.)

“The only message I’m trying to convey is that I want to be your friend. You don’t have to tell me about what happened after Tanegashima. If you insist that nothing happened, then I simply won’t persist on that matter. I only hope to gain your trust, and if I have to work for it, then so be it.”

Slaine stares at him, and then chuckles. The boy is slightly more at ease now, to Inaho’s satisfaction. His heart pounds rhythmically.

“You…you’re unbelievable.” His shoulders shake and his eyes waver slightly. Inaho recognizes the pang in his chest when he sees how empty they seem. “I’ve never really had any friends so this is just really unfamiliar territory to me. Princess Asseylum is more of my superior, you see. So if this becomes too bothersome…feel free to walk away-”

Inaho knows where this is going. For one conversation, he is impressed with what he has covered. The sky is darkening. He gets up from his seated position and turns to Slaine. Inaho doesn’t know what will get through with Slaine, but Inaho remembers when Okojo would try a joke to break the ice.

“My skills in human socialization will get us through this.”

His delivery leaves something to be desired, but it will do.

There is a loud silence that follows as everyone seems to decide to stay quiet, just for this moment. A Kataphrakt falls with a loud thud. In the distance, Inaho can hear Yuki sobbing in despair. A seagull screeches in agony.

Slaine stares at him incredulously. Inaho doesn’t look away even as he snorts and bursts into giggles that make Inaho feel light. “Did you just-” Slane holds a hand over his face as he begins to laugh uncontrollably. Inaho blinks at him when Slaine looks at him again. He bursts into another fit of giggles. He hugs his sides and almost falls to the side. After the laughter subsides, Slaine smiles.

(His heart has stopped too many times in this conversation alone. Inaho thinks he should check in with Dr. Yagarai about this. His head still feels too light and his cheeks become warm without warning.)

“About Tanegashima…maybe. But do you really want to be my friend?”

Inaho offers his hand in response.

Slaine takes it.

(His hand feels warm. The sensation does not leave his memory for days.)

* * *

When he goes to sleep, his chest feels light and his heart is pounding. He should find it worrisome, but Slaine is safe and near, and that’s all that matters.

At least something came out of Yuki’s meddling.

* * *

The war continues without much thought, much to Asseylum’s sadness. Slaine fights alongside them, although he takes time to adjust to the nuances that came with piloting the Tharsis. Asseylum was still stranded on Earth with no means to contact her grandfather, even if she is most likely aware that it’s pointless. Inaho knows she is struggling to come to terms with her planet and their actions.

Inaho stays by Slaine’s side those first few days after that turning point. They are then forced to adjust to the new lifestyle they are thrust in, although Inaho notes that Slaine still struggles with finding his place. For the next few weeks, Slaine is still wary of him - and with good reason - but is receptive to him approaching. They spent days together, with Inaho trying to get to know the boy a bit more. Their conversations would seem silly to anyone who passed by and listened, but Inaho found them meaningful. They left him with a strange and empty feeling, and Inaho realizes that he is a greedy person. It’s odd, but he begins to understand why.

Slaine gives him the bread crumbs of his life, making Inaho the bird that flutters and eats whatever he can have. (If he ever told Slaine this, he would probably smile and laugh with those bright green eyes of his.) Inaho keeps a file on his tablet for every detail that Slaine mentions, labeling them thoroughly. He stops updating it though after he realizes that he doesn’t truly need it - Inaho learns that he can retrieve the information just fine without any assistance. He likes animals. He enjoys eating sandwiches and strawberries with cream. He dislikes the color Inaho uses on his Kataphrakt, although he doesn’t tell Inaho why.

He doesn’t see the bridge between them mending so soon, but Inaho thinks that it’s a start for now.

* * *

Inaho, for the most part, makes strategies on new information that came in through Slaine. Slaine was eager to provide information that will help them, although he is still wary about helping the government entirely. Inaho understands that the UFE struggles in many areas, mostly in integrity. He doesn’t blame Slaine for doubting them, although he makes sure his soulmate isn’t overworking himself and practicing effectively.

His heart beats rapidly a few times when he catches him in the halls. From then, he decides to help Slaine with training in order to get his mind off things.

On one of his breaks, Inaho visits Slaine, who is making rounds on the Tharsis and testing its capabilities in the simulators. He speaks to him through the communication device. The Tharsis wobbles slightly in the screen. Its pilot is seemingly startled as he answers, “Orange.”

Hearing Slaine’s voice displaying his calm composure assures Inaho to proceed with his comment. “Focus more on your right. It’s your blind spot. Even if Tharsis possesses useful abilities, it will mean nothing if you still get hit.”

“I’m working on that,” Slaine says. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I am evaluating your performance. I believe another perspective can help you improve.”

There is no hesitation as he replies with some heat, “My performance is just fine.”

“You missed those last shots,” Inaho points out. One thing he knows very well is that Slaine is an excellent pilot…but he was still prone to making mistakes in his haste. However, Inaho recognized his skill despite the novelty that came with piloting the Tharsis. Although higher officials and officers complimented his skills, Slaine always strived to be the best. He was a passionate person with motivation, which translated into excellent coordination that brought him positive results.

“I won’t miss now,” Slaine warns. “You’re distracting me.”

“Am I?” Inaho asks, and he feels his heart growing unsteady. He hears Slaine grit his teeth.

“That’s poor focus,” he comments lightly. The sound of his (their) heartbeat is similar to the angry pounding of taiko drums he has heard once in his childhood.

Slaine sighs, which Inaho assumes is his way of showing how disgruntled he is with Inaho despite the vigorous heartbeat betraying some playfulness. “And you’re a poor soldier who shouldn’t be running this thing. I may not know much, but you should at least impart useful advice, Orange.”

“I am. You’re just not listening and diverting the constructive criticism.”

Inaho hears Slaine squawk indignantly. Now his heart is flailing. Inaho was waiting for Slaine to complain.

“Excuse me?! Where’s Yuki? She actually gives me moral support!” And there it is.

Slaine ignores him for a moment as he deals with the simulation.

“Yuki-nee is having her arm checked,” Inaho says.

“I wish she were here. She’s friendlier to people about this.”

“She warms up to people. I don’t make the effort,” Inaho says. His sister was superior in that area than Inaho. He knew she was taking time with getting to know Slaine, although he wondered what she was thinking. She kept grinning at him when he was in the same room as Slaine. “Bat, don’t miss that one.”

“Got it. And stop calling me Bat,” Slaine chides. “It’s silly.”

“It’s a habit.”

“Hm. What a weak excuse.”

“You missed the other one,” Inaho points out.

“Well I took out that one, didn’t I?” Slaine says triumphantly. He took pleasure in the small victories, Inaho had noted. Inaho wonders if this aspect of his character was influenced by his past.

“But you still need to take out the other one,” Inaho reminds him.

“Then I’ll assume you destroyed it because you’ll be beside me.”

Inaho almost drops the controls. The Tharsis screeches in the simulator as Slaine makes a clumsy landing. His heart stops altogether.

“Um. Ignore that,” Slaine mutters, and Inaho can already feel the other boy’s embarrassment. “I just say stupid stuff without meaning to.”

“I wouldn’t classify it as stupid, because it’s not. We will be fighting together,” Inaho says shortly. His heartbeat is abnormal, he notes. He takes a few deep breaths, just to be safe.

Slaine coughs. Inaho hears him laugh nervously. “R-right. Just forget it. I’ve been in here for too long.”

“Then take a break,” advises Inaho. “There is no harm in doing so. I can tell you more on how to improve later.”

“Ignoring the last part, you’re right,” Slaine agrees slowly. “I am now certain I have been her far too long.”

As he gets out, Inaho looks at the Tharsis closely while ordering his brain to stop misinterpreting Slaine’s words.

Another thought occurs to him.

“You’re a gull now,” he says after his revelation. Slaine crashes on the floor with a rather painful thud.

“Excuse me?!”

“You’re excused, although you were the one hurt. All I wanted to say is that you’re a gull now,” he repeats.

“Thank you Kaizuka,” Slaine says angrily as he dusts himself off. He bats away Inaho’s hand, to his disappointment. “The last thing I want is to be compared to a bird.”

“But you like birds.” It was one of the first things he had learned about the older boy.

“Y-yes. Doesn’t mean I want to be a bird. It’s so stupid.”

They hear a loud choking sound from the other side. They both turn to see Yuki cough and gaze at them incredulously, ultimately deciding to throw her hands in the air in defeat. She walks away with a huff. Many other people look at them with a similar stupefied expression. The look resembles people giving up on life, which Inaho has seen on Slaine’s face many times. Slaine sighs tiredly.

“See what your stupid comments bring? You like being difficult and making me suffer.”

“It’s not hard.”

Slaine hisses in frustration. “Reconsider that, or I will make you suffer.” He pauses. “Why Gull anyway? The Sky Carrier I can understand, but Gull? That’s stretching it a bit too far.”

“Tharsis looks like one.”

Slaine screeches, “You are calling one of the best melee Kataphrakts Vers has to offer-”

“It’s UFE’s now-”

“-after a bird! A bird!”

“But if you look at it closely-”

Slaine throws his hands in the air. “No! Don’t talk to me!”

“Gull, wait-”

“Don’t call me that!” Slaine wails. “Leave Tharsis alone!”

* * *

Inaho doesn’t recognize what he wants sometimes.

Adjusting to this soul bond was rocky in the beginning. Slaine felt erratically, making Inaho’s heart react curiously.

For now, they were just trying to establish a beneficial relationship. Sometimes Slaine approached Inaho, although he was often spooked by anyone in Inaho’s company. Inaho assumes that his friends are overwhelming. Slaine doesn’t spend as much time with Asseylum as he had thought, keeping a respectable distance between himself and the princess. Inaho simply believes he was always a desolate person determined to do anything for the princess, although Asseylum most likely never asked for his loyalty. Inaho identified the feeling Slaine always seemed to feel as loneliness.

It is then that he realizes that he wants Slaine to never feel those things again.

* * *

They spend time together in the blur of activity that follows after the attack on the Russian base. Sometimes, when Inaho has the time, he makes Slaine something to eat. People see them sharing meals often and he slowly gets used to the hush that follows as people whisper that they are soulmates. It bothers Slaine more than Inaho thought it would, but Slaine confesses to him once that he is not used to being spoken of without malice as he highly preferred being invisible. It makes Inaho understand easier and prepare for the rapid heartbeat when Slaine walks through the halls with him. He gets used to it as best as he can, but he plans on how to ensure that Slaine has a smooth integration with this matter. As he spends some time with Asseylum, he is certain that Slaine did not have that luxury with the Martians who were prejudiced to the core.

Slaine is hesitant when he invites him over to sit with his friends. He becomes part of the group in time. Yuki is far more friendlier, slapping the boy on the back and giving Inaho a thumbs up when his head is turned. Nina and Calm take a strong liking to Slaine, although Inaho knows that Slaine is too polite to say no when Calm talks about girls and tends to help Nina too much that her behavior can be considered lazy. Still, Slaine seems happier when Calm divulges his knowledge on myths and he enjoys helping Nina with sewing.

Inko is kind to him, although Inaho is certain Slaine only speaks with her when he wants to know something about Inaho. He doesn’t know why Slaine bursts into laughter when Inko complains about how he interrupted teachers - they were wrong, so what was the problem?

“The problem is you have no respect,” Slaine tells him. They were currently running diagnostics on the Tharsis, evaluating its performance together. Slaine was not pleased with the current results despite being commended for his exemplary skill and the utility of the Tharsis.

“I respect many people.”

“But not your teachers.”

Inaho shakes his head as he remembers the memory Inko had told Slaine. “I was pointing out-”

“Yes, yes,” Slaine drawls. “You were pointing out how you knew best.”

“No, I did not,” Inaho murmurs. “Not always.”

Slaine scrutinizes him for a brief moment and sniggers. “Hm. So you don’t always know the right things, but you still like to correct people.”

“They should have the proper information before spreading it around, yes.”

Slaine sniffs at the jab. “In my heart, it will always be refraction. My father told me so.” Unlike the few times where he made an offhanded comment about his father, his expression does not twist into hurt.

“He was wrong then.” Inaho glances at the tablet that shows positive results. “Pass me that, will you?” he says, pointing at another tablet next to Slaine. Slaine hands it to him.

“Still,” continues Slaine, “if I had been the teacher, I would have thrown you out. Seriously, did you really need to go on a tangent about how eyes perceive light?”

“It was relevant to the discussion.”

“The classroom discussion was on chlorophyll. It was supposed to bebrief, according to Inko,” Slaine mutters.

“Heavily connected.”

“Of course,” Slaine says softly. He nudges Inaho with his elbow. Inaho elbows him back. “She should have at least thrown you out.”

“She didn’t have the will,” Inaho says. “It was a heavy winter that year too.”

Slaine mumbles. “She sounds like a teacher I would have wanted.”

“She wasn’t the best.”

“You appreciate kindness over intelligence after you deal with harsher learning styles,” Slaine says simply. “I still say that she should have thrown you out for your rude remarks.”

“But it was cold outside.”

Slaine smiles serenely. “Even better.”

“You would handle it well because you grew up in a cold environment,” Inaho states and does not see how Slaine’s eyes fall slightly at this.

“Yes, I would. My father tended to follow the cold.”

His heart thuds at the statement. Inaho stops working to gaze at him curiously. “Was your father like that? Cold?”

Slaine shrugs indifferently, although his eyes tighten slightly. The quiet thumping in Inaho’s chest is another indication of unease. “A little. He was distant. He was my guardian, and he would never lay a hand on me, but that isn’t the only way to hurt someone. I think he envied me for having a soulmate, but I will never really know. It’s rare in my family, apparently. My father never had one.”

“And your mother?” Inaho asks after Slaine seems to enter back into the conversation.

“She left when I was little.”

Inaho assumes she left for other reasons, although he wonders if he should thank her. She didn’t have an impact on Slaine like his father did. His actions led to Slaine being here (miserable and alone, with no one other than his devotion to Asseylum), and the thought sours immediately.

“I see.”

“What about your parents?” Slaine asks suddenly, an indication that he wanted a distraction. “Do you remember them at all?”

“Not at all.”

“That’s a shame,” Slaine laments. “I’m sorry for asking.” He becomes more melancholic.

Inaho rushes to reassure him, “Don’t be. I never had their presence in my life, so I can’t say I miss them.”

“Of course you would say that,” Slaine says softly.

Inaho is unsure what to reply with. He finds himself regretting the twists and turns that the conversations with Slaine seem to take, mostly his fault. It was difficult to navigate his way into this, with only his heart to unreliably guide him forward.

Slaine abruptly turns to face Inaho. Inaho tries to stay focused without much success. “Tell me something…”

“Hm? Did I do something again?” It needed to be asked. He saw nothing that was wrong with his earlier statement about his parents. Inaho never had parental figures, and his sister could not count as one. He still loved her, but she was never meant for that role in his life. He compares her to Slaine and how he forced himself to become whatever Asseylum needed him to be.

Slaine interrupts his musings. “…No, not yet. I just realized that I’m…well, I can’t say it right now because we’re barely getting to know each other and this friendship might not work out. But I’m not sure how to put it in words,” Slaine rambles. He sighs in frustration. “I’m just glad I’m here. With you, and not on Vers. You’re still stupid though, don’t forget,” Slaine reminds him.

He flushes slightly as he continues, “Not that I’m not grateful for my time there, but having conversations with you is…um.” Inaho can hear his frustration. “It’s nice!” he blurts out. He then quickly gets up, ignoring the fact that they were still not done with the procedures.

Slaine isn’t the only who is chaotic. Inaho’s heart flutters in his chest in tandem with Slaine’s, but he forces his breathing to stay steady despite the whirlwind that Slaine is capable of summoning so easily. He almost yearns for the old days where his soulmate was someone who was unreachable.

(His heart knows that’s a lie.)

* * *

Fighting a war was hectic and most soldiers were urged to set aside their differences. However, that was not always the case. Personal issues, Inaho knows, is something that always takes precedence. It’s inevitable and it is unstoppable when it is from Slaine.

Slaine, as Inaho expected, takes issue with Rayet. The older boy hadn’t reacted well when he had learned about the attempt on Asseylum’s life, and the forgiveness that followed. Even though that time seemed long ago, it didn’t stop Slaine from holding that against her. He had snorted at the mention that her father, the same man who tried to assassinate the princess, had died because of the betrayal from the Nilokeras pilot (Slaine always flinches at the mention of this Kataphrakt in the meetings when barrier gaps are inevitably brought up). He recognized that Rayet had nothing to do with it, but Inaho sees how Slaine doesn’t appreciate her vendetta against the Martians.

“They are letting her fight,” Slaine mutters angrily to himself. “They are letting her fight.”

“I know,” Inaho says dryly.

“I don’t know how you’re so at ease with this,” Slaine says sharply. Inaho focuses on the sway of his hair and feels the urge to brush it aside. He knows Slaine will take offense to this. “She tried to kill Princess Asseylum. What makes you so certain that she won’t try again?”

“The fact that she was under heavy amount of stress indicates that she was not in the right state of mind-”

“And putting her in battle is clearly going to put her in the right state,” Slaine snaps. He takes a deep breath. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to take out my frustration on you. It’s just…”

“Princess Asseylum is important to you.”

Slaine shakes his head. “Yes. She is…”

Not desiring to linger on this part of the conversation, Inaho prompts, “But…?”

“Is it wrong of me to sympathize with the Martians?”

Inaho is confused as he stares at Slaine blankly. “From what your time there sounded like from Asseylum, you must have made many pleasant memories there. With her.” He tries to conceal the emotions hidden beneath and continues, “But that’s not really the case, is it?”

“No,” Slaine agrees softly, “it’s really not. My time there was…not the greatest. But that’s not really the point I’m trying to make.”

“Then what is your reasoning?”

Slaine looks down. “I encountered a Martian soldier at the Russian base when I was searching for Princess Asseylum. He told me something that gave me some thought and…I don’t think I can stand being around someone who is willing to hate all Martians. Not after what he said. He died in front of me and I realized how human we all are. Princess Asseylum has a point when she says that we’re all fellow human beings but this is war…we can’t afford that sort of thinking, can we?”

“Not exactly, no.”

Slaine’s shoulders sag at his words. “I assumed as much. You know, I was rescued by Count Saazbaum. He told me about his fiancée and how she died during Heaven’s Fall. I pitied him…but I didn’t like his methods.”

Inaho remembers the fight. “He was aware of the racism, yet did nothing about it to change it himself.”

“I knew he was like that, from the short amount of time I had known him,” Slaine says wistfully. “He even mentioned my father and how he repaid his ‘debt’…only to proceed with slaughtering Terrans at the base. He gave me a choice to go escape to Earth or join him…but I did neither. I killed him. I protected people, but that doesn’t mean my hands are entirely clean.”

Slaine’s eyes show their sorrow. Inaho stays silent, at a loss on what to say.

“Comforting people is not my area of expertise,” Inaho says. “I am still glad you decided to help us.”

“It could have easily gone the other way,” Slaine muses, mostly to himself. “Don’t worry about giving me…emotional support. I just like the fact that I have someone who is willing to listen.”

“If you feel that is best, then no more words are necessary. As for your earlier thought…logically speaking, it was for the best that your choice led you here. Personally, I am glad you are here, despite all that you went through.” Because of Asseylum and I. We can never thank you enough.

“…I’m glad too,” Slaine whispers. “That I’m here. Even if I may not always be doing the right thing…”

Inaho says nothing even as his heartbeat increases. That was Slaine.

They share the moment that follows in peaceful silence.

* * *

The situation in the war sent the Deucalion to provide support in China. Shanghai had recently gained back its momentum in defending itself after the Countess at Tanegashima had been defeated. There would be no fighting to take place in some time, although Inaho knew that would remain to be seen. It was still undesirable to be close to the city as the effects of the war worsened the polluted conditions there. The Deucalion would remain, however, despite the risks. Asseylum had hoped to make another announcement, only stopping when Inaho had pulled her aside.

“It won’t work.”

“I know, but I still wanted to try,” she murmurs. “What else can be done? I had prayed that perhaps once time had passed, people would ignore Count Saazbaum’s words-”

“Another person simply took his place,” Inaho says. “It’s not uncommon to happen during wars like this.” Asseylum eyes turn sorrowful.

“I had thought once he was gone, peace would finally be made. But it is as you said…I need to be able to negotiate. My people are violent and will not listen to voices of reason. The Counts are determined to destroy everything in their path. My life never mattered to them in the end - my death was simply a horrible excuse to bring this tragedy on Earth. But what else can I do? They will not listen to me…”

“Slaine told me that Martians suffered poor conditions when he was under the care of Count Saazbaum. Understanding the root of the cause is the first step.”

“That does not excuse their actions!” she says fiercely. “I understand their plight, and by opening negotiations with Earth, I had hoped to ease their burden. If Count Saazbaum had not hated me so, if he had simply let his hatred for my family go-”

“It does not work that way.”

“But-”

“Martians are ruthless. Martians are profiting from this environment. They will not stop until every Terran is dead and incinerated…these are generalizations, Asseylum. You see them as a single entity. You do not understand them individually.”

Asseylum stares at him in a perplexed manner before her face twists into grief. “How can you say this? It’s true, I may not be able to interact with each and every person of Vers, but it is my responsibility to ensure-”

Inaho sees that his message is not getting across, so he interrupts, “When you first came here, you were helped by Terrans. You viewed everyone here as kind, didn’t you?” Absentmindedly, Inaho’s mind flits to Slaine when he thinks of kindness and emotion in general. Inaho knew his way of speaking didn’t bother Asseylum, but he also knew Slaine would have yelled at him for five minutes about propers ways to address royalty. Inaho would have ignored the older boy, who would have granted him five more minutes of yelling that he would have the chance to appreciate. Listening to Slaine was preferable right around now…

“Of course,” she says gently. “You helped me, despite not knowing me. It is why I wish to help you all. This war has ripped your lives apart and it’s my fault for being foolish.”

Inaho nods while he inwardly sighs at her misplaced consideration. There is someone else that needs you more than I ever will, he wishes to say. He thinks of Rayet, and despite knowing the girl being someone he considers important to him, he knows the nature of Asseylum’s idealism will be deadly if she does not recognize the fallacies in her own reasoning. “I did it for my own reasons, but I am glad you are safe. Never doubt that.”

She smiles. “There is no need to remind me,” she says. “You truly have a kind heart.”

 _But you say that for anyone who treats you with kindness._ He thinks of Slaine and how he never told her about the death he brought upon the man who piloted the Nilokeras. His eyes still look haunted when he seemed to drift to that particular memory. It had been worse when Rayet had thanked him, and Slaine had not taken it well. Slaine was active in the war, forcing him to fight against the Martians. Inaho does not appreciate the Martians on this matter or the way they seem to target Slaine specifically. They dread the orange color on his Kataphrakt but hunt the Tharsis in a frenzy after news leaked out that the Terran traitor was someone taken in by the royal family. Even if everyone on the UFE side knew, Inaho realized as time passed that Slaine was in constant jeopardy. He was far too harsh with himself. The war was taking a toll on him, but Asseylum does not see it. She congratulates him and smiles thankfully just like she did with Inaho, spurring him to hide it from her and throwing himself into action, causing him to reflect on his actions later and bring an aching to his chest that Inaho feels. He was never meant for this life.

Inaho would not tolerate seeing Slaine breaking himself apart by his own hands. Slaine keeps things from him, and one day he wishes for his trust, but Inaho is willing to earn it. He is willing to take on ten Martian Kataphrakts to hear another heartbeat alongside his own.

His own heart sings in response.

“Perhaps,” he tells her as he focuses on the conversation once again. “But say you can force them to see your way?”

“I would never force them-”

“Then how else will you do so?”

“I…I could convince them.”

“How?”

She is hesitant when she replies, “…I need power, don’t I?”

“Yes. Deep down, you knew that.”

“I do not see where I can get it,” she says mournfully.

He tilts his head in thought. “Your grandfather has not passed away…after he is dead, you can most likely declare yourself the Empress. However, you still need to ensure that you have the power where your subjects will listen to you and not just write you off as a figurehead.”

She stares at him in horror. She focuses on the part that is the least important. “Are you suggesting that I profit from his death?”

Inaho questions why she seemed so bothered by this, seeing how her grandfather was also responsible for the civil unrest of her home planet if Slaine’s words are to be believed. Her father was mostly responsible, but the first ruler was also to blame for the dire situation. “Can you simply declare yourself the ruler any other way?”

She nods. “If his health if dire, then I can take the position.”

“Ah, so you are going to usurp him.”

“No!” she cries, her face scandalized. “Inaho, please be less accusational!”

“It’s essentially what you described.”

The girl gives him her infamous pout, but it is not the one he wants. Not that she was any less charming, but Inaho had someone with lighter green eyes to look out for. “My grandfather’s health has been declining for years. It wouldn’t be so out of place if I declared myself alive and succeeded him. You are right in that this line of thinking is quite hasty, but I have a responsibility to see that my people recognize me as their ruler with the strength to support my claims. I want to tell them that I am on their side, even if I don’t fully understand their reasons for fighting this war…”

“You will.”

She nods. Her eyes are resolute as a dawning realization crosses her face. “I need allies. Many. If I can gather their support, I can end this war.”

“Is there anyone you can trust?”

“Not anyone I can think of at the moment.” Her face turns thoughtful. “…I don’t wish to burden you with this.”

“This war is a burden for many, but now is not the time for remorse over what has already passed. The most essential aspect of being a leader is to have the ambition to see your goals met.”

Inaho remembers the traces of a smile he glimpsed in those first few days, the softness of his hand despite the calluses that told of a rough past, the snow on his hair. He remembers the way his heart bled when Slaine showed the sadness that seemed to wrap tightly around him.

“There is much you can do, Asseylum,” he finishes. She stares at him with wide eyes.

“Inaho…” Her smile is earnest and it’s the same smile he was fond of. He wonders (with a hollow feeling) if this is why Slaine adores her so - she flutters and displays her kindness for all, her sweetness being the water to a man lost in a desolate desert. He is nothing like that, and most likely never will be. “I will make sure that everyone you know is safe.”

She pauses as if she has a revelation that was long overdue. “Especially Slaine. You care about him a great deal, don’t you? You’re soulmates,” she says gently. “I may not be able to be in his life as much as I would like to be, but you will look after him after this is over, yes?”

“That’s something you need to discuss with Slaine.” He’s devoted to you. The thought of separation hurts, even if Inaho is willing to say goodbye. “That’s if we win this war.”

If she is taken aback by his words, she does not show it.

“This war will end,” she promises instead.

She walks away from Inaho then, leaving him alone until he decides to meet with Slaine at lunch. He peels away the crust on his sandwich for today and chats about the new designs going into the regular Kataphrakts. Inaho listens like there is no tomorrow.

* * *

The revelation starts with his sister. Despite her limited knowledge about romance, Inaho knew she sought after partners that could offer something of value to her. Inaho assumed this attitude developed since they were both young and struggling to survive in their childhood, which ultimately led to her nourishing her strong desire for stability. She hated how he threw himself in danger and appreciated Slaine for taking the role Inaho was accustom to.

Inaho did not, plain and simple.

His anger and fear is evident when he nearly loses himself in the chaos. Slaine in the Tharsis is the perfect target for vengeful Martians, especially for those who thirst for his blood in particular, and he doesn’t know how many times he has had to witness Slaine relentlessly fighting his pursuers with fervor. Slaine knows his heart stops but does nothing to change the way he fights. Inaho is forced to confront him about this often.

Yuki seems to become worried when more heated words are exchanged between the two. They both aren’t the kind of people who are willing to back down. Inaho tries to use reason, but Slaine isn’t the type to listen when he feels that he is right. He always storms off and apologizes the next day because he can feel the sincerity in his heart, although that leads to a vicious cycle of anger and resentment. His sister approaches him after one of these fights and he tries hard to concentrate on something that is not his soulmate. Inaho finds that Slaine takes up most of his thoughts these days. He is only slightly alarmed at the number of times he kept count and stopped when he realized that it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. His sister ruffles his hair as he analyzes a map, sitting next to him and eating a granola bar loudly.

“He’s so in love with you. I mean, why else would he be worried? You need to settle this already so we don’t have to listen to both of you be mother hens to each other,” she grumbles to herself. Inaho’s fingers stop with their rehearsed motions.

“What?”

She chews her granola bar thoughtfully. “Nao, don’t tell me you don’t like him. It’s how it’s supposed to be,” she says wistfully. She continues munching on her food while Inaho analyzes her words.

“Sharing your heartbeat is very romantic, even if it’s kind of odd,” she muses to herself.

“I can’t love him like that.” It’s too soon. Love is supposed to take time. He spent years with Yuki, Inko, Calm, and Nina…but he realizes that there was space that had always been there for his soulmate. Hoping was irrational. But then Slaine appeared and took over that space and forged a hearth that kept Inaho warm in those long and absent years  keeping him warm. His fingers ached often.

  
“Why not?” she asks, chewing with her mouth full. “You would be with someone else if you didn’t want to spend time with him. Then again,” she says, grinning teasingly, “you aren’t really the type to listen to your heart, huh? Isn’t that right, little brother? You’re too cool for that.”

She pokes his cheeks and her eyes soften. “Doesn’t mean you should ignore it,” she says.

He looks away. “I’m not ignoring that aspect of this soul bond, Yuki-nee. It simply has nothing to do with what we were arguing about. He is putting himself at risk. Not all of us can survive this war.”

Yuki nods. He looks down to his screen, only for his sister to forcefully shut the power off.

“You can look at that later,” she says. “What have I told you before? Trust your gut, and make the right call.”

“My gut tells me that I keep Slaine and the rest of you safe. There are other options,” Inaho insists. “There is no need for Slaine to jump in front of danger. He benefits no one if he dies.”

“There are no differences between both of you, I swear,” Yuki mutters. “Don’t you see? He wants to look out for you. Just like I do. Can’t your smart brain see how much you mean to him? You’re precious to him Inaho, soulmate or not.”

“I still don’t think-”

“It doesn’t matter what you think. The most important part is really talking about it, and just going from there. I think he’s scared of losing you.”

“I can take care of myself.”

  
“Sure, but I think we both know that’s not really true,” Yuki says. “Or else I wouldn’t have gray hairs because of you.”

“I always believed I brought joy to your life.”

“You also bring me misery,” Yuki reminds him. “Poor Slaine. He has to deal with you and your nonsense. You can’t criticize him when you tend to be reckless too. At least he has a fast Kataphrakt that can see the future, unlike your standard one with nonexistent armor. I guess that’s what love does to you.”

Inaho narrows his eyes. “I’m not-”

“Sure you’re not. You’re very weak when it comes to him,” she continues as he tries to interrupt. “You’re happier too. You looked like a lovesick puppy Nao, following him around like that those first few days. You really do care about him, but I kind of want Slaine to win this argument. He’s so stubborn. I think he can beat your know-it-all nonsense. You really did meet your match!”

She ruffles his hair one last time in order to leave him to think. Inaho is too distracted to work properly. In the end, he decides to find Slaine.

* * *

~~(The truth about what happened to Tanegashima is not something he has forgotten. He hoped Slaine would tell him one day, but he finds out on his own.)~~

* * *

He learns about the scars.

He has kept track of Slaine and his frequent nightmares, even staying up all night to help him sleep. Inaho often found himself waking up due to an intense heartbeat.

(What actually happens is that Slaine would start a conversation about something that would lead to Inaho making a comment and unraveling an argument that would keep them up at night. They don’t talk about Rayleigh scattering for a reason after Slaine was too embarrassed about embarrassing the princess. Inaho made it worse when he points out she should have researched it herself before repeating it, earning him a loud smack on the head.)

Slaine’s eyes turn sad after he finishes putting his shirt back on. Inaho had inadvertently walked in on him changing after his conversation with, where he immediately began searching for him. The angry thick lines that run across his back mark his body and make Inaho think of possibilities of how he got them. Ideas run through his mind, but the pieces fall into places just as his own heart breaks apart.

Slaine shakes his head. “Don’t-”

His mouth acts on its own before Inaho can stop it. “After Tanegashima, they kept you in custody. Did they-”

Understanding enters Slaine’s face. His face twists in agony. “Torture me? Yes. Did it hurt? Yes. Did I want you to see this? No,” Slaine says fiercely. “Don’t blame yourself for this, like I know you will.”

“It’s my fault,” Inaho says coldly.

Slaine shakes his head once more. “It’s not. I ran to where Princess Asseylum was after I learned that she was alive. I escaped from them and stole a Sky Carrier. I knew the risks very well. I should be thankful I’m alive.”

“My actions brought you misery. It changes nothing.”

“That doesn’t matter. It already happened, so don’t make a big deal out of it.”

“No. You can’t dismiss this-”

Slaine turns angry, and Inaho is reminded of who the storm was in this soulmate pair. “I’m not,” he says through gritted teeth. “It’s irrelevant because I’m here and I’m happy!”

Silence descends upon the room. Inaho takes a deep breath to calm down his heart. It hurts.

Slaine clutches his chest. “These scars…I still remember how it felt. I still wake up and remember how…how it all happened. And it hurts to remember, but it’s something I’ll gladly carry if I can stay here, where I have some comfort and peace.”

Inaho says nothing.

“You didn’t hurt me - no, don’t object to it, I was stupid that time too. It’s my fault too. Either I’ve gotten used to to your stupid face or am simply cheating with this soul bond of ours…but I can tell it hurts you,” he says softly, and his hand moves to where their heart is. “It shouldn’t.”

Inaho flinches slightly when he sees Slaine reaching out to his hand.

“Take a deep breath,” he advises gently as his voice cracks. His eyes are watery, just like the ocean. Just like the ocean he fell in when Inaho cast him aside after his help. He struggles with breathing when he remembers how Slaine panicked when he threw him in the water that time. “I’m-”

Slaine lunges forward, grabbing Inaho in a tight embrace. It is an unexpected (but never unwelcome) move on Slaine’s part. Inaho’s heart aches and there is a deep longing to fix his grave errors in judgement back at Tanegashima. His arms wrap around the older boy and he clings to the other part of his soul.

“I’m here,” Slaine whispers gently.

“You’re here,” Inaho responds numbly. His words echo. I’m happy. He doesn’t know what to feel about this.

“I’m alive,” he whispers some more.

“You’re alive,” Inaho says with relief. It’s not entirely worth much - how many times has his soulmate suffered because of him? Those scars are a bitter reminder. Did Asseylum know of the lengths he went for her, or did Slaine hide it from her because he didn’t want to hurt her? Inaho dreads what he’ll do for everyone else if Slaine’s mind believed that it was for the best. He was already-

“You have been kind to me,” he says slowly. “This feels a little strange though.” He lets him go, and Inaho finds himself missing the strange familiarity. Slaine’s cheeks are flushed. “Have you calmed down already?”

“Does kindness erase every bad quality of a person to you?” Inaho asks tentatively. His heart has gone back to normal.

Slaine looks embarrassed at this. “Of course not.” He shrugs helplessly when Inaho raises his eyebrows in contemplation.

“Believe what you want, Inaho,” Slaine says next. “Why do you act difficult after I compliment you?”

“Should I take that as a compliment?”

Slaine smiles and his throat becomes dry. The room feels too warm. “Coming from me, it is.”

Inaho shakes his head as he looks down. “All the compliments from you won’t erase what I helped them do to you.”

Slaine grabs his hand. “Maybe. But don’t feel upset. You bring me more misery with your grief. You don’t deserve the blame over what happened. I was an enemy, but at least I don’t possess that label now. Not anymore.”

The words don’t bring him relief. There is another revelation that breaks through the surface, and Inaho dreads it. His heart, like the many times it has done for the last few years, does not give him away.

Slaine exhales and says with a tiny smile (that hurts him all over again), “I don’t hate you Inaho. Never you.”

In that moment, Inaho hates himself because Yuki was right.

* * *

_I can’t love him._

_I can’t._

_…But I do._

_Is that wrong? What defines a soulmate? The heart is just a muscle, Yuki-nee._

_I need to make the right call then, but that was settled a long time ago. He deserves better from this world than someone like me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll do edits later.


End file.
